"DIVA REDEFINED!"

DIVA REDEFINED!

 Ms. Diva Pages Series #1

By Sis. Dana Christmas-McCain

Writing With Christ in Mind Production

Hey, I’m Leah and around my way, they call me Nay-Nay but I prefer Ms. Diva!  I attend John F Kennedy High School and I am a junior.   I hate to brag but I am doing exceptionally well in school.  Not that I had a choice though but it looks good on paper. 

I mentioned that I didn’t have a choice because my mother simply “wasn’t having it!”  She often told me being a woman alone was difficult but being a black woman was even more difficult.  So she demanded, not suggested that I better get my education.  


While I was on my path of becoming a successful lawyer, my mother made it a point to remind me that I should always remember those who extended a hand to me by enabling me to be successful in all my endeavors.  It was collective effort; therefore, when the time arrived for me to help some one, she told me that I better not hesitate.

My mother was a drill sergeant when it came to school.  She refused to allow me to settle for less.  She set very high standards for all three of her children, especially with me being the oldest.  Regardless of our circumstances, as a matter of fact, what circumstances?  She would not allow us to use our “not haves” to get in the way of “our possible” future.  She just stressed that it would take much more needed elbow grease to get the job done but in the end, the hard work would pay off.

She always wanted more from me and told me that I had to make it.  I wasn’t going to fail and to ensure this predestinated vision of hers, she tagged the word “no” to boys, sex, and anything else that would pose as a threat of me succeeding or getting ahead in life.

 “Just like my old principal would say, “Proper planning promotes success, failure is not an option!”

Now let me be completely upfront about the issue of the opposite sex.  My mother tagged a “No Sign” on both boys and sex, but that in no way meant that I always listened.  My main objective was to get good grades in school but at the same time, I was not blind.  Like every other high school, some of the guys were not hard to look at.  And they didn’t mind checking me out either.  Shoot, I didn’t mind, lol!  But my mother made it very clear that my eyes had to stay fixed on my studies and off those boys.

So for a while, I looked but didn’t touch.  I made sure those jokers never touched me either. You can’t just cop a feel.  What kind of girl do you think I am?

As Shanayna would say, “I’m a lady!”

Now, I don’t want to toot my own horn but, “BEEP, BEEP!”  I’m a Dime!  A straight up DIME! 

Ok, you might think to yourself that maybe I'm a bit conceited, yada yada, but I’m not.  I don’t go around announcing up and down the hall that I’m hot-to-death, but at the same time, I know I don’t look “tow-up”!  I’m the type of chick you wife-up.  And I don't mean shack-up but put a ring on it type of chick.  We are not playing house.


I want more than just for some guy to hit it, quit it and ditch it when he done with it.  I’m not a piece of meat.  This is not a deli and what I got I’m not selling; especially not for some cheap thrill.

I’m not necessarily saving it for marriage but dang, I’m not just going to give it away to some joker I dated for two weeks or 5 days either.

 

I am fully aware that my mother didn’t want her oldest to become a statistic and for those who are wondering, yes I am a virgin but I don’t go spreading that in the daily newspaper either.  Let’s just put it this way, I know that I am a good catch!  I’m a DIVA!

I define a Diva as an independent young lady who has the hottest gear and struts her stuff with class.  She knows what she wants out of life but even when she is unsure, you would never know it because she is on her grind 24/7 working to discover what her gifts and talents are in order to be something worth wild and great.  You know a diva has to leave a mark in this world.  She is strong, she is sheik, assertive and confident.  She as Trina says it best, “I’m the Baddest Chick!”

Now being a diva comes with perks and some-so not perks, lol.  One of the not-so-hot perks is the fact that you are constantly being hated on.  Please don’t hate me because I’ m beautiful.  Seriously though, I think I’m a likable young sophisticated lady.  I managed to snag a great best friend in the process.  As she would say, “to be blessed with a true friendship, is one of God’s beautiful graces in life.”

I know I’m a pain in the butt, but Shantel finds a way to put up with my trifling behind.  She loves me more than words can say.  I’m the oldest of my mother’s three children and being the oldest has its perks but man I wish I had a big sister of my own.  I’m thankful that I have found this true gem in Shantel.

Before I move on to talk about my home girl Shantel, I have to finish telling you about how my mother put restrictions on me and dating.  Now, I didn’t have pregnancy on my mind, not to mention sex but once I agreed to date this one guy without my mother’s blessings.  I entertained the thought morning, night and noon.  I mean, the thoughts consumed me and I willingly allowed them to overtake me in a sense.  I didn't cast those thoughts down as Shantel would suggest but I welcomed them, journaled hem in my diary. Man, you would have thought I was in love or something, lol.

Just because I’m a virgin doesn’t mean I don’t think about sex.  I’m human aren’t you? My mother was very open with me about sex education but she always made it a point to let me know after each sex education class in her private office, “Nay-Nay, if you have sex, you will go to hell.” 

When she tried to use the “scare tactic” to prevent me from having pre-marital sex, I had to seriously consider the fact that my mother had premarital sex and she didn’t burst into flames.  Why was she banishing me to the hottest place imaginable?  Did she not know based on what she just told me elected her to be a hell-bound candidate too?

Now, I got some sense.  I would never disrespect her and come out and publicly say it to her face no matter how much I thought it.  A Diva has common sense.  I believed her when she often told me, “I brought you into this world and I will take your butt out!”  Its little things like this that I miss now that my mother is gone.

Did I just go there?  Yeah, I guess I did.  You’ll find out there is a lot to this Diva.  I would say that I am a survivor.  Shantel said she's looking forward to me becoming more than a conqueror.  


Anywho, lol!  Diva’s persevere and don’t allow situations in life to break them down but I have to admit after my mother passed things changed a bit for me.

Well since I opened my big mouth, I might as well let you know that the Lord called her home in 2002 of October.  She had a brain aneurism.  Just when I thought my mother was a dictator and I was her flunky, I see now that she said certain things and did certain things for my good.  She wasn’t trying to spoil my fun or keep me from getting something I wanted.  I sound like Eve huh when she disobeyed God in the Garden of Eden? Correction:  she was trying to keep me from some things I wanted because she lived long enough to know that there were some things that looked good and even felt good that would harm me or have the potential to harm me in the long run.  It wasn’t because she said so, it was often times because she said so and she knew for herself and she was trying to keep me from suffering certain heartache, unnecessary heartache in the long run.  


There is nothing wrong with wanting to know or be more wise and knowledgeable but it comes with responsibility and maturity.  Yeah, Shantel would be proud!

But man do I miss my mother.....

I am learning that it is a mother’s job to protect as well as nurture.  She’ll hurt you or discipline you before she would allow anyone else to put their hands on you.  But don’t get her wrong, mama will go old school on you before you’re able to get a word in edge wise.  Mother’s are always two steps ahead of us.  That’s why I think she had no problem with telling my teachers, “I give you permission to “wail on that behind!”

   

She could definitely do that when I was in elementary school because teachers and parents formed a partnership.  They both invested their time in producing a worth wild education for each child.  They sought to work together in order for the child to win at “Survivor.”  No Child Left Behind was initiative set in place to “save” failing school systems but the system continues to fail the child because parents have to understand that it’s not the responsibility of the system alone.  Our parents have to be active participants in the pursuit of a quality education for their child/children. 

My mother was the “Original Diva!”  Shout out to all my mothers holding it down for their children!

Sorry for that after school broadcast, lol! :)

Anyway, as I was saying…..

A good parent will do that for their child.  They tend to go out on a limb for them.  Even when you are at your worse; I find that a mother will be merciful when everyone has turned their backs on us.  Much like God our Father who will discipline us and it might be grievous at the time but it produces a peaceable fruit of righteousness.  Yeah, just one of the beautiful statements my friend Shantel would often tell me in our cafeteria sessions before our next class.

My mother was a good parent.  Every chance she got she chastised me and my big mouth.  And with every stroke to the face for each time I refused to keep my mouth closed, I knew that it was always motivated by love.  Everything in this life costs something.  I had a smart sarcastic tongue and my mother had a mean backhand, front hand and both hands.

All I can say is, Dave Chappelle did a sketch on his show before it was cancelled and Rick James was a guest star on his show.  He asked Charlie Murphy, “What did the five fingers say to the face?”  Before Charlie Murphy was able to get a word out, “SLAP!!”  Rick James hauled off and slapped the man in the face.  Dang that sketch brought back some painful memories for me.  You would think I would have learned from the first time she popped me.

And oh yes, my fav, “a hard head makes a soft behind.”  My behind often had a visitor named Belt, switch, extension cord, telephone wire or anything she could find on occasion or to. 

I wasn’t a terrible child but like I said earlier, I had a big mouth.

Whew, ok, enough about me:  I have learned that a good parent chastises the one in whom he or she loves.  They should not stand by and watch you make a fool out of yourself.  Now if your parent has neglected to lead you out of harms way, know that God is a father to both the fatherless and the motherless (Psalm 27:10).  By all means, look to the hills from which cometh your help.  Yes, good ole’ Shantel hooked a sistah up again. 

You would think that it would “behoove” me to get to know this Jesus Shantel brags about for myself.  She would keep blurting out scripture when I needed it and I ran with it.  As hard working as I claimed to be, yeah “a diva,” I still wasn’t ready to deal with some stuff or deep issues going on in my life.  But Shantel was often praying for me, calling and checking up on me and not to mention, inviting me to visit her church.

I thought I was good to go.  I didn’t feel I needed to go to church.  I felt like I had all the time in the world to get to know Jesus.  Besides I knew Shantel, I thought that was enough.  Yeah, I think “lean not to your own understanding” would fit in right here.

I didn’t realize what an impression Shantel made on my life.  I can say the same about my mother I guess.  So yes, as you can see, I am very self-absorbed and for some reason God saw fit to bring Telley and I together as friends.

Okay, so now my mother has passed away, I have this great friend and ‘m living with my siblings and grandmother.  We aren’t getting along very well.  If it was left up to my brother to explain the situation, he would say that my grandmother and I are very much the same.

We are both opinionated, very high strung, emotional and we fight hard.  Most importantly, I had to win the argument.  The difference between the two relationships I had with my mother and the one with my gram is that my mother and I would never go to bed before reconciling.  No, I did not win the argument.  The issue becomes, we will both lose if the problem is made paramount over our relationship between mother and daughter.

My grandmother would slam the doors first and lock you out before inviting you in to make amends.  My mother wouldn’t let me go though.  She held on tight to her children.  Some times it was more like on the verge of strangulation but one thing could not be misconstrued, the love for her children was unfeigned.

When she passed on, my life was missing something deeply.  I was grateful for my gram even though we didn’t get along as well as I did with my mom but it wasn’t enough.  So, in my weakness and in my pursuit to find happiness, I sought forbidden fruit.

Yeah, I started doing things that even shocked my behind.  I’ll tell you about those things later but if we can be honest, a lot of the things we do whether right or wrong, especially those things that are wrong, we know it’s wrong.   You didn’t slip into it, but you deliberately made things convenient in order for you to do the dirt you were guilty of at the time.  No body had to coerce you, or twist your hand.  You thought it out, planned to do it and did it.

Shantel told me once during our many convos on the telephone that when a man is tempted he or she is drawn away by his or her own lust and enticed but it doesn’t bring about death unless you act out what you think.  When that thought comes about you must address it either by the Word of God or the result will end in spiritual death.

Just like when I planned to go by my boyfriend’s house.  You know the one I wasn’t supposed to have but did anyway while his parents wasn’t home.  Not to mention all the things I did with him.  But let’s rewind a bit.  If you are not wondering how I got there you should because I snuck out the house while my grandmother was asleep.  It was his birthday and he thought I should come over and spend it with him as if seeing him in school wasn’t enough. 

We weren’t sexually active but the thought ran thru my mind often especially after those tongue twisting kisses he gave me that almost made me give it up hot, quick and fast, but I wasn’t just going to give it away.  I knew I was worth more than that.   Am I beginning to show my age a little?

No matter how or which way I gave it up, I was still handing it over to a man I wasn’t married to as my mother would often tell me.  But I’m like, “I got this!” as if I have been around this block before but the truth of the matter is, I knew that I had something guys wanted.  I wasn’t throwing it in their face but like one of them told me, “I can tell you a virgin.”  I simply replied, “Yeah, and when did that become any of your business?”

As you can see this diva has some attitude.  Ok, if you were in my shoes, what would you have said?  That’s not something you discuss outside in the hallway of your homeroom door anyway.  Boy’s, can’t live with them but they nice to at once in awhile.

I don’t go fishing often but every now and then I catch one or two.  Nothing serious though.  This current one I’m definitely feeling but I got “problems and situations.”  Remember, I told you I couldn’t date but with my fine self, I grabbed the keys to the truck (yes I have a license, not) and drove to his house while conveniently sneaking out the front door.

His name doesn’t matter.  Just continue to read please…….

Again, my mother had me on lock-down.  Ok, my mom is deceased but where do you think she learned the “ways of penitentiary”?  “She get it from her mama!”

Now, my mama was a wild girl when she was my age.  It’s not everyday you find birth control in your daughter’s purse when you told her not to have sex with her boyfriend a.k.a. my father.

Who needed birth control when my father was a human chastity belt warding off all the predators I went to school with whenever he was home.  See he was one of those predators and now he gets to experience the flip side from being a parent of a daughter that looks diva-licious like me! LOL! 

In all seriousness though, some times our parents hold on so tight that they lose their child to the very thing they were keeping them from.  Unfortunately for us, we have to find out the hard way that our parents were right the whole time. 

Okay, so now I’m in the car driving along Broadway and 25^th.  He lived on Park Avenue.  It was about a little after 9pm and my hands are sweating.  I still can’t believe I snuck out of the house.  I lived on the North side of Paterson and driving from my house to his takes no longer than 15 mins.

It felt like an hour and I was a roast in the oven being prepared for a family of 5.

And them jokers are hungry. They are practically starving.  They can’t wait to stick their forks into my side.

This diva was nervous as hell.  Cool and collected went out the window. Confidence gone!  What did I really expect to do with him once I got there?  I hadn’t planned on giving him any and I wasn’t.

I was just tired of constantly being reminded of what I was not supposed to do and that list was always longer than the list that permitted me to do things like breathe, speak, eat, etc.

LMBO!

I felt so caged up.  Yes I was fine, and I was a strong black young woman but often always confined.  This chick was busting out!

I couldn’t take it anymore not being able to invite friends over, talk to them on the phone with the exception of Shantel (my family loves her, who wouldn’t?), going to school parties, hanging out at a friend’s house, and checking out a movie with my friends.  I couldn’t have a slumber party!  I was lucky if I could go to my high school prom.

Maybe I am exaggerating.  I’m pretty sure she would have let me go but I would have to be home by 10pm.  My mother was no joke and she left me here with the warden!  WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After I revisited all these events in my little life, the fear went out the window.  Shoot, my grandmother is a heavy sleeper.  She snores so loud you can hear her in our upstairs apartment.  My grandmother lived on the first floor.  If she managed to wake up, I would just tell her that I had to run out for sanitary napkins or something like that.  Remember, divas can think quickly on their toes.

I just have to remember to bring back some pads on my way home. The only thing hovering over my shoulder is what am I going to say to Shantel when she calls me tonight for our “ritual telephone call”?

  Oh well, I’ll think of that when the time comes. Besides, it’s Friday night and I could find some excuse for why I wasn’t around to chit chat tonight other than the obvious.

Whew, let me take a minute and get myself together.  I take a deep breath. Can you tell that I’m frustrated?

I arrive and there he is to meet me at the door with this dumb smirk on his face.  He asked me if I was ready to give him his gift.  He asked me a dumb question and I gave him a slap-in-your-face-answer:  “Well, birthday sex is what you want, unfortunately, that’s not what I’m here to give you.”  If my company wasn’t good enough, then oh, well!

We are going back and forth about my whole stopping by without the intent to strip and you think I care?  Not in the least bit!  And you know this Man!!!!!!!!!!  (Can you tell I like to watch movies, lol!)

I told him all this fussing won’t accomplish anything other than giving me a reason to leave.  So he grabbed me by my waist and planted a juicy kiss on me.  It wasn’t sloppy and wet, it wasn’t rushed but almost perfect.

He went on about how much he likes me (yada yada yada) and I got annoyed but was flattered in a way.  Brother man was trying real hard and I started feeling bad for him.  Not to mention both his parents worked late and they wouldn’t be able to take him out to dinner for his birthday.

Now I won’t go into full detail about what we did because Diva’s never tell everything but will share some things.  I will say this much though, we could have just slept with each other considering the freaky things I did with him.  I don’t even love this joker but I was lonely and tired of being caged up but I was thinking inwardly, how would this liberate me?  All I kept thinking to myself was that I’m in a house full of people but lonely.  Imagine that and I thought I had it all together, huh?

Shantel was the one who had it all together I thought.  She was definitely some one I admired.

She’ll let you know, she’s a born-again Christian but in her confession, it does not state her perfection but acknowledges her imperfections being made perfect in Christ.

She says she is always praying for me and she hopes that one day I will accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  What I love about Shantel is that her walk with God is sincere and genuine.  She never makes me feel like the heathen I am.  She always tells me she loves me and is quick to show it.

I respect the fact that she doesn’t condemn me or make me feel as if she’s better than me.  Even more so, she says it is difficult to allow her self to think more highly than herself when she looks at me or another sister like her because she sees herself in me. 

She sees a life that was once dead and was made alive by the Spirit of God.  She sees a young woman that lived a life void of Christ who is the best thing that has ever happened to her.  She told me that in order for her to have life, she had to lose her life.  The old person she was is perishing but she is a new creature by the Spirit of God walking in a newness of life.

She’s always trying to get me to go to church with her.  I am just thankful she thinks enough to ask me.  I keep shrugging it off.  To be honest, I don’t know why.  I think I’m just too young to be too serious.  I have my whole life for all that “holy stuff”, right?

Let Shantel tell it.  “No honey child, every day is a gift and every day is not promised.  You want to get some insurance on your life, you better check in with Christ before your plug is pulled.”

Shantel is always telling me that she loves interceding for others because Jesus is interceding for those that have been purchased by Christ’s blood but I can’t fully experience joy or truly enjoy life when it is void of the very one who is the Giver of Life.

The truth is that we are all not perfect but at the same time, we don’t have to die in our sins and spend eternity in hell.  Jesus is “The Door” by which we can gain access into heaven and see Him face to face.

We don’t have to wait until we get to heaven but we can enjoy life now thru Christ.  She promised God that as she went higher in Him, she will always extend a hand to others and share the Good News of Salvation.

So, I finally gave in but Shantel told me that going to bible study with her was an answered prayer of hers.  I can’t explain it but there was just something that wouldn’t leave me alone.  I woke up with the idea of my boyfriend on my mind replaying the events that took place the night before but then there was the ring of my telephone.

Guess who?  Yup, you guessed right, it was Shantel.  Good old faithful.  She was calling me to find out if I could accompany her tonight at bible study.  What excuse did I have this time?  Absolutely none!  I was just happy she didn’t inquire about my whereabouts last night.   I figured I could redeem myself for last night’s activity but God had a plan for me.  I was trying to pull a fast one but that night’s bible study changed my life for eternity.

Shantel told me that it was no coincidence that she called me that morning and it was no coincidence that I was present that night for bible study.

It changed my outlook on life and my heart was opened to receive the forgiveness of Christ for my sins and accept Him as my Lord and Savior.  Yeah, I officially became a true Diva like my girl Shantel last night.  


A Diva is a bad chick and a force to be reckoned with.  Why?  It’s because of her new life found in Christ!  There is nothing like a godly man and there is truly something special about a godly woman! If they are equally yoked, it gives a whole new definition to a “power couple”.  They don’t rely in their own strength but trusting and relying in the strength of the Lord!

All this time, Shantel was throwing me a life preserver or she was going fishing but for me.  The Lord had been preparing her for me and indeed was she prepared.  She was persistent and dealt with me carefully and cautiously.   How many of us see people drowning all around us but won’t call on the coast guard (God) for help or throw them a line to save them (Jesus Christ)?  When waters get deep and they will whether that pool is filled with desperation and heartache, loneliness and cursing, lying and cheating, fornication, homosexuality, bitterness, abortion, jealousy, etc, don’t you reach out for relief?  Don’t you want to be free?

So its 6:45pm on a Wednesday night and I’m sitting in prayer service with my girl at Grace Church.  Shantel told me not to feel pressured but if I wanted to pray, feel free to pray but if I just want to listen, just listen.  I thought to myself, if it was not a coincidence for me to be here, and then why not say something?

My hands were a little sweaty but after hearing a few prayers being offered up, I stood, I opened my mouth and prayed,

“Lord, if there are no such things as a coincidence and you purposed for me to be here tonight, I just ask that as you saved my friend Shantel, please move on my heart and help me to believe in you and your word.  I want to know you like my friend Shantel knows you and I do believe that it was you that made the difference in her life.  Please do it for me.  I’m not going to front; I’m afraid but just as Shantel trusts you, please teach me to trust  you too.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen!”

While I prayed, Shantel held my hand and when my prayer was over, she reached out and hugged me.  It reminded me of the warm, tender hugs my mother would give me after we made up from an argument.  And for the first time in a long time, I let everything that was hurting me, and all that I was holding on to and kept me from experiencing peace, I just let it go.  What was there for me to lose?

I had already taken a chance with my life by lying, being arrogant, trusting in my self, thinking more highly than myself and I disrespected my grandmother.  I was technically a virgin but my actions and thoughts were perverted.  I was guilty. 

I thought it was worth the chance to trust Him.  He had sent his only beloved Son to die on the cross for my sins so why not take advantage.  Why not trust him especially if He being the only way to set me free?

So to my surprise, the Assoc Pastor walked up the aisle and made her way to my pew and began to thank and praise God for what He was doing.  She said before she could go on, she had to extend an invitation to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior.  She said that this could not wait until Sunday, for tomorrow is not promised.  She said this was official business that had to be taken care of today and at that moment.

I confessed Christ as my Lord and Savior that day and I believed as Shantel once told me that the angels in heaven were rejoicing over little ole' me. 

I am truly thankful that while the Lord was preparing Shantel, God had been processing my paperwork to be called out of darkness into his marvelous light. 

That is praise worthy!!  My record had been expunged!

Now when I wear my “Diva Crown” I represent the Christ that lives with in me.  A Diva is a young woman of substance and lives her life pursuing the things of God.  She is a virtuous woman striving for excellence.  She wears the pearls of wisdom around her neck and she grows in grace.

Like Shantel, I won’t look down on a man or woman for the same grace extended to me, I will extend to another.  A diva is not defined by her outward adornment, none of her physical attributes compare to the inward beauty being illuminated from the inside out.

She’s a “bad chick” not because she is a survivor but “more than a conqueror.”  A diva knows that her body is a temple and that she will live her life as a living sacrifice dying daily to the lusts of her flesh.  She no longer lives to gratify her own desires but wants her desires to conform to the desires of Christ and not the world.

I am a new Diva, created in Christ Jesus!  Taking the cue from all the other Diva’s before me that is in love with their Lord and Savior, JC!  You know the ones I’m talking about, those godly women wrapped up in virtue and integrity you see.

A Diva is a praying woman and acknowledges that with much prayer there is much power.  A Diva I am but a Christ lead Diva this young lady will strive to be!

As Shantel would say after each convo, “JC til she dies!”  I can now join in with her and say…

JC TIL WE DIE after each week we designate time for prayer!

I’ll be chatting with you again next month.  I have a lot to share and my hope is that it will be worth wild and some thing you can gleam from and grow from…..

Thank you and I love you!

Always and Forever In Christ’s Name

Amen!

Ms. Diva Pages

Writing With Christ in Mind Production